Sober !!!

Sober for 4499 hours and counting

I have been dry now for 187 days or 4499 hours, it sometimes feels like I am counting away every hour of every day, just to maintain my sobriety in what seems like an assault course of obstacles.

Whilst at times it may seem like a walk in the park for me to stay clean and sober, it can however turn into a walk through a minefield.

Each day as I awake, I follow a ritual that I designed and put into place the day I left my treatment unit, Park House, Birmingham. First on the list is the much needed ciggy. A must for me, and one addiction that I am happy to hold on to. For now!

Then comes my Just for Today reading, and a good reading of the basic text page it refers to. Which I try my best to adhere to each day. I find that if I can focus on one part of this 12 step programme each day, it helps me to get one more day under my alcohol free path. It’s working so far, and I do have faith in the whole programme.

Next in my ritual, and probably the most important step is reading my diary, which like most other peoples diaries contains all of my appointments and commitments for the day. What is different about my entries though is that certain entries are highlighted in green.

Green entries are indicating to me that there is a potential ‘trigger situation’ involved with that entry, one that I need to be aware of and plan in advance my escape route if needed.

These trigger situations could be anything as simple as doing my weekly shop, and having to walk down the alcohol section in the supermarket, or a more testing situation like meeting a friend for coffee in a bar (always did like throwing myself in at the deep end) and bumping into old drinking associates.

Now this is a tricky one for me. I am by nature a social animal and always have loved a good chin wag and gossip. So my way of dealing with a situation like this is to tell it as it is, “Hey mate, long time no see etc….No, no I don’t drink anymore I have been dry for ‘XYZ’.” Then invite that person to join me for coffee too, ha ha.

Some accept but soon move on and some just give me a strange look as if I had turned into a raving fruit cake.

Both examples, for me, are easy for me to handle and cope with, because I have the prior knowledge and previous experience in dealing with the situation.

I could of course avoid both potential trigger situations and avoid all supermarkets for the rest of life, and avoid all food and beverage facilities.

I’m sure that with my defected mind, that I could build up enough resentment to enable me to avoid every establishment that sells alcohol and every possible public meeting place for the rest of my life. Turn myself into a recluse, lock myself in my small room, safe in the knowledge that the only real person I will ever have to encounter would be the delivery man with my online shopping order.

Yes, that would work! I could finally get through my life without alcohol playing a part. Out of sight out of mind right? No! Oops they sell alcohol online, they have alcohol product placements on T.V. it’s in books, newspapers, and mag’s everywhere. Help! Lol.

No that is one route I will not be taking. If I allow myself to become a prisoner in my own house, well bedroom at my parents’ house, then I may as well start up drinking again because that is where it took me in the end. Isolated, locked away and alone.

So whilst having to be aware of the green entries, I am determined not to let this disease cripple me any longer. I will walk out and go about my daily duties, just like J-blogs, and cope with triggers and obstacles as and when they come along.

One more technique I use is the fast forward method, taught to me by one of my Alcohol workers. This is where if I do have a sudden craving, or come across an unplanned trigger, I mentally image time fast forwarding.

What sort of state would I be in the following day? The guilt of letting my loved ones down. The feeling of utter and complete failure, a feeling that from my past relapses is not a good one to have, or one that I would desire to experience ever again.

Just the thought of that feeling of failure, and knowing that the only thing that got me through that feeling before was to completely drown my sorrows deep into my addiction and seek help again. But only when I thought I had reached yet another rock bottom. Not a nice place to be. Trust me on that please.

I hope these coping methods work for anyone reading this blog. But like I have said before, these work for me, and may not work for all. All I can say is that you have nothing to lose by giving them a try.

Be honest with yourself and accept the fact that we have a disease called addiction. For me having that first drink is not an option. If I have that first drink, well you may as well point a loaded gun at my head.

I honestly don’t think I have one relapse left in me. Sorry to leave this blog on a downer, but I need to get real about this stuff. People die every day from addiction.

I have enjoyed 187 days of freedom from addiction, I’m not saying it is easy but hell yes, it’s worth it, and so are you.

Keep up all your good and often painful work. It can be done, I’m proof.

Thank you for reading.